My life as a former militant atheist, and why Catholics need to know…

In the blogs about my reversion to Catholicism, as well as in my series, “Dialoguing with Doubters”, I give an overview of my life as an outspoken, militant atheist. However, as an overview is just that – an overview – it is more than time that we go a bit deeper into this topic: that we explore the uncomfortable, often cringeworthy, dark depths of my atheist life, and why it so necessary for fellow Catholics to understand this and to stand strong against the “nones”.

As part of preparing for this blog, and to continue building my own work in Christian apologetics, I have watched countless videos by Catholic apologists, most of whom do an exceptional job of refuting atheist arguments. Trent Horn, Bishop Robert Barron, Fr. Mike Schmiz, Matt Fradd, Jimmy Akin, Tim Staples, Karlo Broussard – these outstanding apologists have made great strides in calling out the many problems with atheism, and particularly “new atheism”.

Yet these same apologists are often confounded about atheist objections. Along with that, many Catholic apologists are not former atheists, or at least not former militant atheists.

Now, because Catholic apologists can already well handle atheist arguments, then why is it important that they are not former atheists?

Well, just as with understanding your audience when discussing any given topic, the more you can relate with atheists – the more you can show that you have walked in their shoes – the more they may want to know why gave your life to God and converted to Catholicism. And they may even be more apt to consider your position.

And sure, your atheist friends may have the usual arguments about the problem of evil, why are there are so many religions if there is only one true God, and that if science cannot prove a metaphysical idea, then it must be bunk. Still, there can be a wide variety of reasons why, no matter how convincing of an argument you give, atheists are not convinced. You would even think that introducing the intellectually savvy atheists to St. Thomas Aquinas would cause a big breakthrough in embracing God and Christian theology, just as many converts to Catholicism studied Aquinas before converting.

However, because there are many types of atheists – strong atheists, weak atheists, secular humanist atheists, militant atheists, anti-theists, etc. – it is not only important to refute their arguments, but also to understand fully where they are coming from. Not to say that Catholic apologists don’t already cover that to some degree; but as long atheists are viewed as more of an entity, and less about the individual, then it may continue to be an uphill battle convincing atheists about the truth of our faith.

That doesn’t mean we can’t generalize certain worldviews that atheists hold; just that the generalizations may not lead to convincing arguments. And because many atheists are familiar with logical fallacies, they are usually quick to call out any strawman arguments about atheistic worldviews, or taking a one-size-fits-all approach to atheist arguments.  

Let’s look at my life, for instance: As a former militant atheist, I had a mess of doubts about God, religion, Christian theology, you name it. And they all pointed to my then bitter conclusion: That, as Richard Dawkins has said on multiple occasions, religious people were deluded. As such, religion was the supreme poison killing off society and secular morality (which atheists champion as correct morality). And it was more than time to burn religion to the ground.

Therefore. as someone who has always stood up for what I think is right (even when I have been clearly wrong about what’s right), I went on an aggressive crusade to help destroy every pillar of religion – of all religions – so that we as humanity could finally get out of the Dark Ages, allow science to be our ultimate standard of truth, and that secular morality would finally fix our problems, once and for all.

I followed in the footsteps of Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, Seth Andrews, Matt Dillahunty, Richard Carrier, David Fitzgerald – and a whole host of other strident atheists who have given religion the intellectual beatdown I thought was long overdue.

I joined atheist driven forums and social media groups; I frequently attended meetups with other atheists and humanists; I wrote blog after blog about my issues with Christian theology, with other world religions, and with spirituality overall. It was all nonsense to me. And because of that, I became increasingly resentful and even more aggressive in my attacks against the “mass delusion”. 

I watched debate after debate between atheists and religious (mostly Christian) apologists: I cheered on my atheist inspirations. And like being at a sporting event, I even stood up and cheered when an atheist would, in my opinion then, demolish a religious apologist’s argument. Yes, I was weirdly rather sadistic about it. I admit I gained great pleasure from heated debates and atheists putting apologists in their place.

That included years of watching “The Atheist Experience”: Matt Dillahunty, one of the main hosts and who is a prominent atheist, was my hero. Matt is known for having a temper and verbally skewering callers trying to change his mind about God and generally about Christianity. I even rewatched some of the funnier exchanges, which often ended with Dillahunty yelling at the caller and then abruptly hanging up. 

Dillahunty’s usual approach, when hearing a claim about God, is to ask – repeatedly – “How do you know? How do you know? How do you know?” And as caller after caller flails again and again when trying to give some semblance of an articulate answer, Dillahunty has a plethora of ways to go in for the kill and leave callers dumbfounded. That just convinced me even more that religion was nonsense.

But I didn’t stop there: Just as street evangelists find ways, typical or creative, to share the Gospel – I found my calling in being an atheist evangelist. After all, how was the world going to eradicate religion unless I helped make it possible?

Therefore, I used social media, chat forums, conversations with friends and co-workers, and public debates to try to pull the masses away from any kind of religious or spiritual life. Didn’t they see they were keeping society from real progress? Didn’t they know that Bible-based morals were Bronze Age ideas that no longer belonged In our modern day world? Couldn’t they tell that the Bible was a book of fairy tales – that religion is for people who aren’t ready to be adults?

In short, I had turned into a miserable, hate-filled human being with a harmful agenda masked as cure for the world’s problems.

And that right there is one of the core reasons why it’s difficult to convert atheists: So many are so sick and tired of what they see as wrong in the world, that they spiral downward into what they may call “naturalism” – yet is more like nihilism. Or nihilism mixed with scientism.

Knowing that, it may take much more than convincing arguments to lead atheists to God. Further, using arguments that atheists can see through will just make the situation worse. In other words, while the “unmoved mover” and “contingency” arguments may have convinced you about God’s existence – and folks like Trent Horn and Jimmy Akin can beautifully articulate reasons for believing In God and being Catholic – it is much more difficult to convince someone who has a mix of deep-seeded biases.

For example, some atheists proclaim that even if the existence of God and the truth of Christianity could be proven beyond the shadow of a doubt, they would still have moral issues with the Christian God. And even if you resolved the moral issues, still some atheists would want to know *why* do they have to accept God.

Now, some arguments do lead to dead-end. You can only go so far before the conversation turns into a waste of time. However, biases reveal a lot about a person: They show us that it may take much more than head-to-head battles about atheism versus theism.

Instead, when you are dialoguing with an atheist, look at their questions as if you are an atheist as well and trying to find the answer. Learn about your atheist friend as a *fellow human being* first. Treat them with dignity. Learn how to listen carefully to their criticisms – no matter how harsh – and get to the root of what is really bothering them. Show that it is ok to have doubts – that it is ok to be a seeker. Avoid any comments such “I will pray for you”, or “you will find your way to God someday”.

And to those of you with family members who are questioning their faith, or who have become atheist — *never stop* loving them. An easy-out / common mistake is to turn our backs on non-believers. But whether we like it or not, we must consistently adhere to what our faith teaches: To love another, lead people to God, and learn as much as possible how to walk in their shoes, so that you can walk together towards the truth of our faith and salvation through Jesus Christ.